long night silent cries

DKM

2010-11-02T02:34:00.000+08:00

u made me feel alright
with u i spoke soo much
made u seem like what i need
when u made me what u seek
somehow i turned away...

loose

2010-11-01T04:16:00.000+08:00

i kept letting myself loose
to follow the path my heart tells me to
only to find myself pondering over questions again

r u the one im supposed to hold on to?
r u the one many refer to?

i, of all people, never liked rules
i, of all people, knew life is what u make out of it
i, of all people, believed in stop follwing tracks and move to the rhythm of the wind

but then again, i wish i had a rule book to guide me through
but then again, i wish others could make my life right now.
but then again, i wish i just followed the damn tracks and never danced to the wind's tunes.

if i should believe in what i think that i believe in,
then what should i do?
show me the sign master, i'll draw the lines!

2010-10-28T01:23:00.000+08:00

my blessing. my Sister in law :)

Radha says: Jhingachak Jhingachak segepu colore Jhingachak patchai colore Jhingachak
Radha says: Ni pakaaamei poriye ithu nyayema?
Radha says: Chitu kuruvi chitu kuruvi saythe theriyema
Radha says: My name is billable Billa*
Radha says: Hello miss hello miss yenge poringay?
Radha says: Atthan... Yenna than Yepedi solvenedi
Radha says:Chiku booke chiku booke rail ley. Kalakathe pa ive style ay
Radha says: Haha Like tht la Sing with me'
Yingey nimmethiiiiiiiiii Yingey nimmethi Angay nimmethi Hmmm la la la la

Her singing at 1 am! ;p <3

stay

2010-10-25T11:40:00.000+08:00

u and i believed that people come into our lives to teach us something.
and when they're done, the leave...

so r u leaving?
if u are, please don't!
there're still soo many i gotta learn from u.
just stay. for i would need u to guide me through.
only u.

2010-09-24T23:30:00.003+08:00

here i am holding on to my heart for u to cross over the ocean to take it away from me.

where r u baby?

love?!

2010-09-24T03:13:00.000+08:00

what if ur in love with that one person u shouldn't be in love with?

it comes soo naturally yet it's quite impossible?

do u stay and fight for it?

or do u just let it go?

when the very sight of his smile just melts ur heart

his voice u soo secretly want to hear all day long

the way he looks at u and u feel that he sees the world in u

when it get's quite impossible to get him out of ur head

wrong wrong yet right.

u wanna reach out to him and wrap ur arms around him

put him in that bubble of urs and promise that no harm would get him

just to hug and never let go.

how u wait for night fall the very second the sun rises.

just so u could see him from many miles across

when ur stuck in between two computer screens

wrong wrong yet right.

wrong right wrong right

so what is wrong and what is right?

sweet love stories

2010-07-30T03:23:00.000+08:00

Im a complete sucker for sweet love stories!

i often wished that i could act in one, simply because i wanna know how it feels to be in crazy, romantic, adventurous love like that.

brother

2010-03-25T00:56:00.000+08:00

i love u litlle brother! <3

love hurts

2010-03-25T00:52:00.000+08:00

my brother told me this..
"u know how u find out if ur in love with a person? when u look at their picture and smile to urself"

Pavam la he.
he's been going through a pretty hard time.
he's still in love with his ex. first love.
but she has a new bf already but my brother sits and literally prays that she will become single again so he can have another chance.
sigh!
The suckiest thing that can ever happen to u is being in love with somebody u can never have.

y does love have to cause soo much of pleasure yet pain?!
it's soo frustrating.
this is making me think twice about the decision that im about to make.

im tired of feeling the pain.
its been really good these past 7 months.
and i dont know if im ready to ruin that peace now.
sure i feel lonely and all that la but i just dont wanna take the chance and end up being hurt.
hummm.... confused confused.

Gleek

2010-03-21T18:22:00.001+08:00

I am a Gleek!!! (a geek for Glee)
that show is just amazinggggggggg
and they r better then soo many of the original singers of the songs!
simply breath taking i tell u...

Oh yes, i wanted to go to KL for my birthday
but my dad didn't allow me to :(
gaaaah! i have a feeling that this birthday is gonna be a terrible one.
sigh. im missing shalzy!!!

Talking about Shalz, lately i find that our life is always somewhat similiar!
we happen to be on the same boat. lol! like right now.... the whole weekend thing =p
gaaaah! i hate long distance! be it friendship or relationship!
it's just sooo annoying i tell u.
one day, i hope shalzy and i can be on the same country man! :(
and live our dream of sharing an apartment! hehe

secret desires

2010-03-09T04:12:00.000+08:00

I always deny being that typical girlfriend person.
but i do have all these secret desires :)
what can i say, im a sucker for romance!

so dear friends, if i ever introduce u guys to a boyfriend,
i give u all the rights to tell them of this blog post...
or at least the later part of this post. =p

My Sweet Secret Desires
* come back home to find a dozen of dozen roses awaiting my arrival.
* little notes with ingredients written on it that eventually leads to my favourite dessert hidden somewhere
* a home cooked meal by the men himself.
* brings me out for sunday high tea brunch
* voluntarily sign us up for couple spa retreat
* not forgetting chocolate tasting events
* surprises me with little gifts of love
* go out for parties on weekends.
* dances with me on really random nights at home
* bring me to the gym to work out with him
* have us try all the different kinds of food
* someone intellectual whom i can have smart conversations with.
* makes me laugh
* looks at me in the eye everytime we have a conversation.
* probably have child like qualities so i can be all manja with him.
* movie marathon with home made desserts n snacks
* just lie by the beach and have random conversations.

=)
i vow to myself that i shall not commit till i can find a person who can meet at least 3/4 of this list.
and i mean it!
the search continues...

birthday

2010-03-08T01:11:00.000+08:00

24 days till my 19th birthday.
19 is not as awesome as 18 was.
should have listened to Naly when she told me that!
i miss being 18 man. the feeling of new freedom. sigh!

19 is sucky cause ur in between being an adult an a teenager.
so ur confused with all the new responsibilites.

18's awesome cause u just turned legal so that becomes the most exciting part of ur life.
where u feel like the whole world is at ur fingertips! at least i felt that way.

bye bye feeling of world at my fingertips!
hello respon-f*cking-sibility!
urgh.

March

2010-03-07T04:18:00.000+08:00

Updates - March:

*still jobless
*cant decide what to do for 19th b'day
*i think i suck!
*seem to be a third wheel for everybody
*freaking clueless as to what to do next.

1st January 2010 - 00.01: me "2010 is gonna be awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee mannnnnnnnnn!"

BANG BANG! dead....

peelings!

2010-03-07T04:08:00.000+08:00

see i know im blessed and all that to have a roof under my head, 3 meals (or more) a day and blah blah blah..
but i guess thats what makes everything else worse.
if i was born in a third world country or even in a less fortunate family, i don't think people will expect much from me.
it so happened that im born in a family full of geniuses! so they expect me to be like them.
im not stupid, i know im smart.. but i dont get y i have to make decisions asap?!
y cant i just wait till i feel comfortable with my self and when i think im ready before making MY decision?!
opps, wait, there is no such thing as MY where im born into. no freedom of choice or speech.
somehow i managed to dodge off all the barriers so far, but now that there's too many barriers, i have to deal with it!

i haven't been feeling good about my jobless-ness but i dont know where to go from here.
i don't think im ready to start working.. so that leaves me to studying! i wish my family were cool enough to let me wander off and figure it out for myself.. instead i only have 2 options.

if i had an option, i would fly myself far far away from here. do some language course and pay for it by doing some part time job (i.e waiter, baby sitter or etc).
i feel like im just not ready to go back to school.
im still in that stage where i question human's purpose of existence in this world.
so i concluded that while im still alive and young enough to do whatever i could, I WOULD!
but noooooooooo, people r not happy seeing me like this! sigh..
therefor im stuck now. i don't know what to do next!
and this makes me feel lousy :(

Blog

2010-03-04T00:19:00.000+08:00

Dear (all 2) readers of mine...
i have officially become a person who depends on the net all the time!
so i would probably die if u ever leave me in a kampung!
i now use all kinds of different social networking websites.
Gmail, Hotmali,Yahoo, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Tumblr, Photobucket and i can't remember what else.

i just started bloging on Tumblr! don't worry blogger.com, ur still my number 1!
it's quite cool! easy to use too...
so ppl! try tumblr! and follow me!
http://thulasichandran.tumblr.com

Thank god for internet...
it's saving me from my lonely ass world!

lonely

2010-03-01T13:24:00.000+08:00

Feeling a little lonely already.
i miss u shalzy!!! :(

tattz

2010-01-25T15:14:00.000+08:00

i've always wanted a tattoo!
and i always wanted an Aum.
so i found a perfect one while watching charmed =)

i just LOVE LOVE LOVE Allison Milano's (she plays phoebe in charmed) tattoo!
that's exactly what im going to get! where? i dunno. when? before my 19th :)

before i die.

2010-01-25T14:25:00.000+08:00

so i've always been the kind to picture how my future would be... so as usual i was lying on my bed and thinking about this when suddenly i was thinking, "hummm... i should create a list of 100 things to do b4 i die" so yea, here i am.

This is my list of 25 things to do before i die. y 25?! cause i cant think of anymore (yet).. but i'll probably do another list.

1. go sky diving
2. back packing around the world in 2 years
3. live alone a whole year in paris/rome/anywhere in france
4. produce a movie
5. volunteer in a 3rd world country for a whole year
6. go in a deep sea submarine.
7. scuba dive the great barrier reef.
8. take a hot air balloon ride
9. learn to belly dance
10. see the Ball drop for New Years in Times Square.
11. buy a boat and live in it for 3 months
12. write a book and publish it.
13. learn a foreign language
14. swim in the dead sea
15. work in a cruise ship
16. take a cooking course from a famous chef
17. ride on a camel in a desert
18. go to a wild jungle to take photos.
19. visit each and every one of my friend to a party that i'll throw
20. fall asleep in a huge field while star gazing
21. fall madly in love and just loose whatever sanity i have left.
22. attend at least 50 different type of weddings (diff culture, religions & etc..)
23. swim with a dolphin
24. establish life-long friendship
25. fall asleep to the sound of waves in the ocean.

=)

two thumbs up to jan!

2010-01-25T02:10:00.000+08:00

So here i am.. back again to the bloging world!
im not gonna appologies to my fellow reader(s) (Which consist of one dear fren of mine, yes tiramisu, it's u!)
for not updating my blog... as u may have alreay known, i am a very verrryyyy bisssssyyy person u know ;)
plus, nothing interesting worthy enough to be typed here!
oh well, who am i kidding, i can go on and on with excuses to hide the real fact that im lazy :D
there i said it!!!

Latests for Jan 2010:
- got myself a job which lasted 3 weeks :P
- job hunting for new job in media line.
- partying wayyyyyy tooo much! but i dont see no one complaining!
- tequila still remains as my best friend =D
- single & ready to mingle (ask me again about the ready to mingle part in abt 2 weeks time =p)
- going to jakarta next week. first holiday of the year... more coming!

oh shit! u know it took me soo long just to write the above list =p
talk about pathetically lifeless! sheesh!

made some... interesting (is that the word?:p) new frens!
read: thanni khaki's
hey u know, even when nothing much is happening in life, i'm still having the best damn time ever! =)

kisses to my ladies <3!

busy week

2009-09-12T16:04:00.001+08:00

had a really busy week!
i had no time for sleep :(
birthdays and filming filled it up
and now im really sick, yet i cant just let my butt rest at home!
i've already made plans for tonight ;p
oh well! i'll just rest tmw...

too sick now to work my brain to write something :(
bleah!

adios

pics

2009-09-05T17:00:00.000+08:00

lalama & acah.

at least i know that even if everything crumbles down on me.

i have this 2 people to always hold me up.

i love u both! :)

indonesia - bandung.

although ur memories might fade,

ill keep this to remind us of all that we couldn't keep.

lovely gals :)

if my family were filled with gals instead of guys,

i know this is exactly how it would have been.

u make me feel like family <3

onam this year was great!

as usual, good food, great family and wonderful day!

i love my family!

come back

2009-09-05T16:30:00.000+08:00

this is probably not the most original thing to say
but i really wished life had a rule book.
or at least love did. wait love has a rule book
but i just dont like to follow it.
it's soo hard putting urself out there every time and getting urself hurt in return.
what do u get out of it?
some people just give up in finding for love
but i dont know y i cant...
i just feel that i need to have somebody to hold on to me.
somebody who can fight for me
but i never do.
in the end everybody lets me go...

i hate being all emo, but that's how life is right now.
im just doomed to be un-loved for life.

happy happy

2009-08-25T13:39:00.001+08:00

For absolutely no reason, im really really happy today :) actually there might be a reason, ive got everything cleared up. I feel soo light now :)
im otw to school now. In the bus. Have to do some research work to start on my graduation project. And if i do it at home, ill put it away till last min.
oh yes, if i didnt already say it, im turning vegetarian. Not a super strict one... But still. Its been about 10 over years since i ate meat. Ive been surviving on seafood. But recently, i feel really sad everytime i eat seafood. Its kinda bimbo of me to say that im not gonna eat once upon a time a living thing cause pity the animals n sea creatures, but wth, im getting more n more concerned about the earth. So ill be starting my veg when i come back from jakarta. Mainly cause i dont want my frens to have to suffer to find me veg food everywhere we go. Ill be such a spoiler. Toodles people. Im getting motion sickness cause of the damn bus. Grrrrr.

addict

2009-08-25T02:02:00.001+08:00

lalalalala... Im getting addicted to my blog! Hehe. Its my 2nd most fav website after facebook.
im sleepy but i cant put my phone down. I feel like my blog is too wordy so i need to put some pics up but too lazy la
ouuuh guys! I need a favour. Before i die, can u make sure i do these things?
1.go to euro disney
2. Meet mariah carey
3. Produce a movie or write a book
:) i love my blog! I hope u love it too! Have an awesomestic day everyone, just like how im hoping i will :) xoxo

writer

2009-08-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

i like to write, yet there r things i cant put in words.
not cause i have a low vocab though =p
i dunno y i just cant put my feelings into words.

i have about 3 days after which ill be off to jakarta :)
but it's for a short weekend only la (damn wina's boss)
im really excited although im kinda afraid of making decisions that i hope i wont make...... humm...
let the untold be untold! =p i did promise to make this as unpersonal as i could.

gaaaah! lalama (my absolutely loveable stepmum) is having a row with her brother via phone!
which reminds me of my own bro (we recently fought and broke my hall's huge tv which my father still havent forgiven me for =p)
i kinda miss having him around the house (he stays wiht my mum, i stay with my dad)
although he's such a pain in the ass and i feel like killing him like 99.99% of the time he's here, wth right, he's my one and only brother (i still wished i had a sister)
i wish one day we would learn to bond and start loving each other without breaking the tv or any other damn furnitures.

time flies

2009-08-24T21:51:00.000+08:00

chilled out with a few frens in school today.
and we talked about how time flies.
i know these people (they call themselves chunky monkeyz) for exactly a year already.
it was during puasa time last when we actually started hanging out! WOW!
and last year i was dating a muslim guy, so the whole puasa thing seemed to be a big deal.
so i saw the miss universe pictures today. i dont think any of this year's contestants were outstanding.
what happened to the world?
i like'd egypt. i think she was the prettiest among all.
and i was really disappointed with india.
come one india! u have sooo many pretty gals there!!!!
i thought miss universe was about the beauty and the brains!
come on universe!
im sure u can do much better then this!

ica damn it!

2009-08-24T11:32:00.001+08:00

im bloging from my hp. Im on the way to meet daud the moron (who happens to be my bestest fren for god knows why) in the train right now n its freaking cold. Im sitting beside this chinese lady n she keeps knocking off n her head is landing on my shoulders. Oh god! Anyways, im going to the ICA building to collect my re-entry permit for my newly made passport (the pic is freaking ugly la) after which i have to go back to school. Its a miracle how my parents actually trusted me with my passport. But i dont trust myself so my bag now feels like a hundred pounds n i keep checking it every 5 min. Today seems to be a good day and hopefully will. As much as daud thinks that its cause im with him it really is not. Guess i finally woke up on the right side of the bed after weeks. Good day all! :)

hero

2009-08-23T23:56:00.001+08:00

there's an answer when u reach into ur soul
and the fear u know will melt away.
so when u feel like hope is gone
look inside u and be strong
it's a long road
and u face the world alone
no one reaches out a hand for u to hold
you can find love
if u search within urself
and the emptiness u felt will disappear.

my fav lines from
marriah carey's- hero.

wedding song

2009-08-23T20:36:00.000+08:00

if im ever gonna get married,
i've found my perfect first dance song :)

pictures

2009-08-23T18:55:00.000+08:00

just some pictures i found. :)

LOVE

2009-08-23T18:11:00.001+08:00

Wikipedia

Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection^[1] and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my boyfriend"). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love^[2] to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.^[3] Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

well, i was just curious to know the exact defination of Love.
there u have it.
love... sigh!
urgh love love love!!!!!!
it can drive everyone crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want u

2009-08-23T05:19:00.003+08:00

Listen to what i want u to do baby
i want u to hold on to me
i want to hear u say u cant live without me
i want u to make me feel i can leave my heart unguard
i want to make u mine baby
but y doesnt it seem right?
tell me what to do to make the pain go away baby
tell me so i can save us
where r the answers that i need
where r u in my jungle of needs

rock a by baby

2009-08-23T05:04:00.001+08:00

i suddenly feel like crying myself to sleep. Oh god i miss me. I miss the person in me who could do a happy charade without giving out a single hint of sadness. God! Y m i still alive?

long night

2009-08-23T03:52:00.001+08:00

there's nothing more i want then to cuddle up next to a guy right now. Not just any guy though. Someone i love. Its raining soo bad n i cant sleep. Plus im thinking about love tonight. U know im wondering what happened to the one true love nonsense by that idiot who created it. Well i never really believed in true love n happy endings but i thought the others who believed in it would feel it. But i guess im wrong. Nobody can be with that somebody forever can they? After they loose the fun n get bored of each other its just bye bye tata. So another break up another set of tears n we move on. Im no exception, i agree that im like that too. Whatever right, life goes on. But i just hope that one day someones gonna proof me wrong. I hope that one day i can look at someone n say, there u go. Thats true love for u. I dunno when exactly i stopped believing in it. Maybe its after my parents. I need some love out there people. I need to cuddle up with a man n not have confused thoughts. Show me the love tonight!

saturday night no fever!

2009-08-22T20:16:00.000+08:00

it's saturday night and im home alone!
great way to spend my weekend huh?! urgh!
so im not blaming anybody for me being stuck at home.
i just dont feel like socialising right now.
im lying on my bed, eating pamelo and watching miss congenality!
i loveeeeeeeee Sandra Bullock in that movie :)
talking about movies.
i have yet again changed my plans on my future career.
the last time i checked with my brain, i wanted to be a journalist slash writer.
right now and hopefully forever, im thinking of being a movie producer :)
yea, im absolutely in love the entertainment industry!

im done with my diploma in that poor excuse for universities called MDIS
so what's next?!
same blardie question i and many other people ask daily

maybe a new begining

2009-08-22T18:01:00.001+08:00

this is probably the 100th time im restarting a blog.

usually i restart with a new webie but this time im just too lazy i guess.

hehe. so yes, this is my new blog add and hopefully i'll be able to maintain this.

don't blame me, blame it on my uncanny mood swings!

i notice a pattern in my blogging.

i start to blog again either when im single or when im depressed

this time it's my 2nd reason. yes, terrible mood swings i have! sheesh.

i decided to make this blog a public one (cause i previously allowed only a handful to view it)

but that doesn't mean i want every damn person to see it.

so just in case, im not gonna say anything that is super private.

just a whole load of bull from me to u!

i hope u dont sue me if i do write anything im not supposed to =p

ok. that's all for my introduction :)

xxx

2009-06-18T14:25:00.000+08:00

just deleted all my previous posts.
need to start fresh man!

xoxo